Squirting: how does it actually work?

It can certainly get wet! But how does squirting actually work? Can you learn it, or do you just have to wait and see whether your body is capable of it? And what is the difference between squirting and an orgasm? There are quite a few misunderstandings about this remarkable phenomenon. Within BDSM in particular, squirting can play an interesting role, because when control and surrender come together, physical reactions can take on extra meaning. Time to dive a little deeper.

What is squirting?

With squirting, fluid is expelled through the urethra during sexual arousal or stimulation. Sometimes just a little, sometimes quite a lot. If you are mainly curious about the visual effect, you can also imitate it with a squirting dildo. But what actually comes out of the body? Research shows that squirting fluid comes largely from the bladder and closely resembles diluted urine. Secretions from the Skene's glands may also be present. These small glands are located around the urethra and are sometimes called the female prostate. Squirting is often confused with female ejaculation, but that usually involves a much smaller amount of milky fluid.

Can every woman squirt?

Opinions are divided on this, and scientifically there is still no definitive answer. Some women squirt regularly, others have never experienced it. Whether every woman could learn it with enough practice, we simply don't know.

What we do know is that squirting says nothing about the intensity of an orgasm. What's more, squirting can also happen without an orgasm. Conversely, a woman can have an overwhelming orgasm without a single drop of fluid being released.

It would be a shame if squirting became a kind of performance pressure. As if you can only truly enjoy yourself when your body behaves like a little fountain. That's obviously not how it works.

How can you squirt?

If you want to discover whether you can squirt, you can experiment with stimulating the front wall of the vagina, towards the belly. That is where the area often called the G-spot is located. There is still debate about its precise anatomy, but many women find this area sensitive.

During stimulation, you may get a feeling that closely resembles needing to pee. That can be quite confusing. As a result, some women unconsciously hold back, whereas relaxing can actually help you explore the sensation further.

Take your time, make sure you are sufficiently aroused and above all don't worry about the result. A towel or waterproof sheet can be handy. And perhaps it's sensible to go to the toilet beforehand.

Pressing harder or carrying on endlessly offers no guarantee. It must stay pleasurable, and pain is always a reason to stop.

Squirting within BDSM

Within BDSM, squirting can take on an extra dimension. Especially when a submissive woman finds it exciting to let go of control over her physical reactions. The Dom can guide her through it, set the pace and challenge her to relax further and further.

Think, for example, of a game in which the Dom alternates stimulation with moments of rest. Or of orgasm control, where the submissive has to delay her orgasm until she is given permission. Squirting may occur spontaneously in that situation, but it is certainly not a given.

I also find the psychological aspect interesting. Many women struggle to let go of control. They feel ashamed of certain physical reactions or are afraid their partner will find it disgusting. Precisely within a trusting D/s relationship, it can be something special when a woman dares to let go of that shame.

It does demand something of the Dom. Namely attention, patience and the ability to put her at ease. Because a submissive who is worried about her performance will usually find it harder to relax.

Squirting on command?

That would of course be a wonderful party trick. You give an order and whoosh, off goes the fountain! But sadly, our bodies don't work that simply.

Of course, within a BDSM scene you can pretend that squirting is an assignment. Some submissives love being challenged and pleasing their Dom. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as it remains clear that it is a playful challenge.

What I especially want to prevent is a submissive feeling she has fallen short when it doesn't work. People with a strong need to please their Dom in particular can put themselves under a lot of pressure.

As a Dom, you have a responsibility here. You can encourage and guide someone, but you cannot force a physical reaction. And you shouldn't want to either.

Don't forget hygiene

Because squirting fluid comes largely from the bladder, a little preparation is sensible. Use a waterproof sheet if you like, and make sure any toys you use are properly cleaned.

Also, don't do anything silly to force squirting. Drinking excessively, holding in your pee for a long time or applying hard pressure to the lower abdomen are not sensible experiments. If there is pain or irritation, you stop.

And discuss beforehand how you both feel about squirting. Not everyone enjoys it, and that is perfectly fine too.

Enjoying yourself without performance pressure

Personally, I find the curiosity about squirting far more interesting than the end result. Discovering your own body, experiencing new sensations and perhaps even overcoming a bit of shame. There can be an enormous amount of beauty in that.

Within BDSM, a Dom can play a special role here. By giving space, offering trust and inviting the submissive to explore her limits, without crossing them.

And if squirting doesn't happen in the end? Then truly nothing is lost. Perhaps you had a lovely experience together and discovered something new about each other.

Because let's face it, the most beautiful moments within BDSM can't always be planned. Sometimes they arise precisely when you stop trying to achieve something and simply enjoy what is happening.

Mistress Moriah